Post your funny stuff here

[Kiriel]

At Goric's request I've setup a special section on the forum for sharing jokes and stuff. This can be OOC or IC, whatever you like. Enjoy!

[Althus]

The Pope dies and goes to heaven.

St. Peter asks him "What would you like to do?"

The Pope says, "I'd like to see all the original hand-written texts of the Bible."

St. Peter produces them and the Pope wanders off to a quiet room that appears and he pores over the scripture.

An hour later, St. Peter comes in and finds him weeping

"What's wrong?" asks St.Peter

"The word was <b>CELEBRATE</b>!" The Pope wails.

[Althus]

A man and his wife are lounging around, he asks, "Honey, are you feeling romantic?"

"No."

"Is that your Final Answer?"

"Yes."

"Mind if I phone a friend?"

(Rimshot) Thank you, thank you.

[Althus]

A woman is sitting with her three daughters and the first one asks, "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?"

"Because when you were a tiny baby, a daisy fell onto your head."

The second one pipes up, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were tiny, a rose fell on your head."

The third one remains silent for a minute, then asks, "Muugaggah gooba kreeba fleeba?"

And the mother responds, "Shut up, Fridge."

[Goric]

Phrases you wish you could say at work...


25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan. But my duties are largely ceremonial.
21. It's a thankless job, but I have a lot of karma to burn off.
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
18. Any connections between your reality and mine are purely coincedental.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
16. Thank you. We are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
15. I will always cherish the original misconceptions I had about you.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a D*** (Edited for content).
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of S*** (Edited for content).
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you are saying.
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
7. I'm out of my mind... but feel free to leave a message.
6. I'll try being nicer, if you'll try being smarter.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3. How about never. Is never good for you?
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
1. Ahhh... I see the f*** up fairy has visited us again.

[GrayGradi]

"Phrases you wish you could say at work... " ??

Gee, I used to say 25, 20, 10, 6, 5, and 4 at least once a day at my last job.

Could that have something to do with why I've been self-employed for the last 20 years?

[Goric]

What's Your Business Sign?

1) MARKETING
You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having
to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which
is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with
Sales.

2) SALES
Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You
are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you
to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can
"concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game
throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to
completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU
don't understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is
written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING
One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that
ninety percent of all Personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy
with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets.
However, ... "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5) ACCOUNTING
The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from
office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization;
combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors
concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be
the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person
that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today
because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision
you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule
for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in
you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT
(See above - Same sign, different title)

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own
life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle
for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service."
Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to ... .

10) CONSULTANT
Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your
utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are
in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other
organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these
career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER"
As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by
most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and
susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks
correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO
You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems
such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13) GOVERNMENT WORKER
Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the
invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or
anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...thus the term
"GO POSTAL".

[Althus]

A Sylvan, a Zo, and a Dwarf walk into a bar, and all order beers. The sylvan finds a fly in his beer, plucks it out, and drinks the beer. The zo also has a fly in his drink. He drinks the whole thing, fly and all, and belches. The dwarf has a fly in his drink, too! (Somebody call health services.) He plucks the fly out of his beer, looks at it, and screams, "SPIT IT OUT, YOU THIEVING BASTARD!"

[Goric]

Here is something interesting I found

http://www.debsfunpages.com/funpic26p.htm


Sir Goric

[Goric]

Myron's mother was very hard to please, but one year he thought hard and
finally came up with a truly inspired birthday present: a pricey parrot
that
spoke six languages. He arranged to have the bird delivered to her
apartment
a few hours before he was to arrive for the birthday dinner.

"So, Mom. Did you get my present?" he asked.

"Yes, Myron, I did. And I must say, it cooked up very nicely."

"You didn't cook it!" Myron gasped. "That bird cost me $1,500. And it
spoke
English, Portuguese, Mandarin, Urdu, Arabic and Russian!"

"Now Myron," the old woman chided, "if it really spoke all those
languages,
why didn't it say something?"